Friday, July 16, 2010
I keyed in my password for three times just now and didn't manage to log in to dashboard, how weird. Panicked for a moment before it finally worked.
Chem paper today was alright, no huge issues with it. It's not like I made any mistakes this time that I'd kill myself over; those are really bad cos' your mind'll get all full of "what if"s and such. Yes, I have no control over my mind nowadays.
Anyway, the main thing I need to get off my chest today is how I keep feeling a need or perhaps desperately a want, to be so much more these days. and I realised I don't like being mediocre. Because, what's the whole point of being me, in the what-am-I-living-for sense, if I'm just going to be average at everything like everbody else hmm? I don't know where the line between Great and Normal is, and idk.., I hope it's not some sudden craving for attention :O I'm pretty sure most people want brighter spotlights on themselves anyways, I'm no exception I guess. Just need to find more self-assurance/security or whatever thingamajig it is I'm missing.
Aiya I don't knowww. This is sounding like some mid-life crisis shit about goals in life that shouldn't even be hitting me yet, loads of years to go and uh, stuff to endure before that comes, right? But don't get the wrong idea, I feel plenty good about myself most times (aft height and weight taking, I'm incredibly thankful for my metabolism rate, for one), except perhaps for my perpetual worry about ___ and the occasional insecurities that pop up out of nowhere if I don't keep myself busy, LIKE NAO.
Going out for a night movie with friends tomorrow, we're dressing down (i think) so it's gonna be a cosy little affair at night haha. I hope Nodame Cantabile has a satisfactory conclusive ending sequel this time! Oh yeah, speaking of which, another little insecurity I have, I want to catch up with a few of my friends before we drift too far and cross that boundary where things never return back to how they were when we were closest. ohmygoodness, HOW.
就让回忆停止呼吸...成冰
.
Oops! Behind the Scenes.
(:
